How to Manage Your Byakuya
by Baxter54132
Summary: Part of the "How to.." series. For all the Rukias out there, you will have complete control over your older brother, bwahahaha. One-shot, mild IchiRuki


Ok, by request of about half my reviews of "How to Tame Your Renji," here is Byakuya's version. Since they are siblings, I wasn't sure what to call this one, because I (Baxter54132) do not support incest. I love IchiRuki, not incest. If you opened this story to read ByaRuki, just leave now. Thank you

This is the 4th story in the "How To" series. That's right, I made it a series! The first three are, "How to Train Your Ichigo," "How to Train Your Rukia," and, "How to Tame Your Renji." They were all pretty popular, and can be accessed on my profile page.

Wow, what a long author note, onto the story!

Dislcaimer: I do not own Bleach. I went on ebay yesterday and searched for bleach, but the manga was not for sale. If anyone every sees if on sale, let me know, I got dibs.

IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki

**Introduction:**

Welcome readers! Is your brother a stick in the mud? Does he have a stick up his ass? If you answered yes to both of these questions, then you are in the right place! You may be in possession of a Byakuya, a fierce and strict fighter. In this book, I am going to cover the matter of Byakuya from head to toe. Byakuyas' are very temperamental, so if you mess any of this up, he will kill you without hesitation. Just kidding, but, he might get a little angry. We will cover why he won't kill you in chapter 6. Now, let's make sure that you indeed have a Byakuya

**Chapter 1: Identifying Your Byakuya**

Byakuyas' are very easy to identify because there are not many people like them. They are unique in just about every way. First, your Byakuya must be your older brother. If he is not, then this book is not for you. I suggest that you buy a copy of this book for your Byakuya's younger sister; she will be thanking you for years. Also, if you happen to be a redhead or a carrot top, no, you cannot use this book to get insight on how to beat Byakuya. Put the book down right now and walk away. Anyway, let's get back on topic. Some identifying features of your Byakuya may be his white robe that he wears often, the redhead that trails after him like a lost puppy, or maybe the strange white comb thing that always rests in his hair. He also wears a fancy white scarf, and if you tell him you are going to the desert, he will give a cloak. Some traits of a Byakuya are stubbornness, silent determination, and a strict sense of honor. This guy never breaks the rules. If a sign says "Take one cookie only," and your Byakuya sees you take two, he will take drastic action. More about this will be explained in chapter 6. If your Byakuya has all of these traits and physical characteristics, then he must be a Byakuya. Like I said at the beginning, there are very few people who are like a Byakuya, the closest probably being a Toshiro. Fortunately, Toshiro's are very short and have spiky white hair, meaning they are very easy to tell apart from a Byakuya. Also, Toshiro's have short fuses around your Ichigo's little sister; make sure to watch out for that. Now that you have identified your Byakuya, it is time to move into chapter 2.

**Chapter 2: Telling Your Byakuya No**

This is very very difficult to do. Your Byakuya probably doesn't ask much of you, and when he does, it is most likely reasonably. This chapter is for the few times that you actually need to turn down your Byakuya. He could be simply asking for you to do the dishes, or he could be asking you to get married to some stranger in another noble clan. These methods will work for both, although some of them might be a little extreme for the dishes. If you just say, "No," you will get the evil Kuchiki glare of doom, so don't do it. One way is to tell him that you have to take care of 'female things'. This method is for the smaller requests. Your Byakuya may look tough on the outside, but that kind of stuff makes him nervous. He will immediately drop it and you can escape without having to do ask he says. Another, more extreme method, is to threaten your Byakuya. Now you have to do this smartly. I recommend using your Ichigo to your advantage. Simply say that he would be involved in whatever it is, and you would have to work together, or in the marriage case, that he would crash the wedding and beat up the groom. Now, if your Byakuya is like my Byakuya, then he truly hates your Ichigo. He hates everything about him, including his hair, rash attitude, and much more, all stuff that you love! Once hearing your Ichigo's name, Byakuya will call off anything he has planned and let you go free. Works every time!

**Chapter 3: How to Get Your Byakuya to leave you alone so can actually be successful in your company and possibly get an officer seat before you are 300 years old.**

One word, girlfriend, Byakuya needs a girlfriend! This guy hasn't been laid since… well a while back. I can't think of many people that would be interesting in dating any Byakuya, maybe a Rangiku? She has got to be lonely since Gin died… ehm spoiler alert? Anyway, everyone wants comfort, and she might be interested in your Byakuya. Another possible option is Yoruichi, except for the massive age difference, and Kisuke… but he won't be angry as long as he doesn't find out. I'll tell you right now, your Byakuya is not gay. I talked to him about it once, and after that conversation he would not speak with me for 2 weeks. It was very quiet, so I will save you from having to go through it, your Byakuya is straight, I think…

**Chapter 4: How To Annoy Your Byakuya**

We all like to have fun right? There are many ways to annoy your Byakuya, which you will mostly discover though exploration, but I will share some with you now. One way is by letting Yachiru into your house. She, is crazy, and will run around with her shoes on, making the ground dirty. If you give her candy, she will start bouncing off the walls, literally. Then, once she finds your Byakuya, she will demand more candy and won't leave his side until he complies. This is very entertaining and very annoying to your Byakuya. Another way to annoy your Byakuya is by releasing your Ichigo into your house. Now, Ichigo is a very confused person when he doesn't know his surroundings. He will immediately get lost. All you have to do is lead him to your Byakuya. Then the annoyingness begins. Your Ichigo will, instead of asking for directions, follow your Byakuya around until your Byakuya exits the house. He also might try to make conversation, which your Byakuya will hate. The last way I will tell you is to tell your Renji all of the secrets on how to defeat your Byakuya in battle. Your Renji will immediately want to challenge your Byakuya to a duel, and we all know that your Renji has no chance at beating your Byakuya. Your Byakuya will fight him off, but be annoyed at the circumstance all the same.

**Chapter 5: How to Sneak out of Your Byakuya's house at Night**

You can't tell me that you have never tried this before. I know you have. You want to sneak out to the world of the living to visit your Ichigo, we all do. I have developed a for sure way to get around your Byakuya every time. First, eat only a little food like you aren't hungry, and go to bed early saying you feel ill. Then, as soon as your Byakuya goes into his shower, pull out an extra gigai if you have one. Place it under your bed covers so it looks like you in the dark. You have to do this all very quickly. Hurry downstairs and unlock the front door so you can get back in at the end of the night. Go back up to your room, open the window, and escape into the night. This is only possible because your Byakuya is in the shower. Believe me, he knows that you are leaving, he just doesn't care enough to end his shower early to stop you. If he relocks the front door on you, just bust down one of the walls. That will teach him!

**Chapter 6: Understanding why Your Byakuya Won't Make Eye Contact With You**

Believe me when I say that he does not hate you. Your Byakuya has a past relationship with someone who you knew, this person being your older sister. You look just like your older sister, which is why your Byakuya struggles to make eye contact. Back in the day, Byakuya and your sister were married, and had a very deep relationship, hard to believe isn't it? Well as you know… your sister is no longer with us, leaving your Byakuya to his own devices. It was pretty illegal for your Byakuya to marry your sister. Now that she is gone, he never wants to break the law every again. This is why he has trouble with the cookies, and also has trouble when you personally get thrown in jail. That's right, if it hasn't happened yet, it will… You need to support your Byakuya in his time of need. This is the only serious chapter in this book!

**Conclusion:**

You and your Byakuya should now be as close as can be! He may be a little annoyed from a few things, but he loves you. Neither your Renji or your Ichigo have been killed by your Byakuya, and a time of peace has fallen on the soul society. You are now the 4th seat in the 13th squad at long last, life is good. This is Rukia Kuchki, signing out.

IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki IchiRuki

Woot woot! I am really enjoying writing this collection. I don't think this one was as funny…

Here is the link for the community if you'd rather not file through my profile page but want to read the other part of the series.

www. fanfiction community /How_To_ Series_Collection /75354/

Just take out the spaces.

Well avid readers, what is next? Which character should be written for next in the series, please tell me in a review.


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